It has been one heck of a week.
Firstly, the passing of our Queen saddens me deeply. I am grateful for the sacrifices she made in honour to serve our country. I hope our King is able to live up to expectations. I watched the ascension yesterday and it was so bizarre and amazing. To be able to see such a tradition carried out was a privilege.
But in my own life, there have been a lot of emotional shake-ups too. I am aware that time is short. With the passing of my mother at 63 and almost losing my partner’s father in his early 60s, I’m keenly aware that a long life is not guaranteed. It also highlights the limited time I have left with my partner, who has recently turned 40.
I also happened upon the Instagram account of Jessica Mcinnes (I’ll link it when I find it again). Her Mother passed away when she was 13 years old so she made a point of creating a happy life for her kids so they’d have good memories of her in the event she passed away while her children were young. Instead, she tragically lost her eldest son to a brain tumour at the age of 15. But she takes comfort in knowing he had a happy life and that she will have happy memories of him.
For the longest time, I have been living for “when”. We will do more as a family when. We will buy a house when. We enjoy life more when. Always when. But that “when” is always held back by another “when”. I’m sick of feeling stuck. I’m sick of waiting.
It was when I watched Sarra Cannon’s Coffee Chat from this week and she talks about “meeting yourself where you are”, it really struck a chord with me. I have spent so much time trying to get everything done as quickly as possible that I’ve ended up just wheel spinning and ultimately achieving nothing. And it pushes the “when” further away.
I want to create this happy life for my family now. Yes, becoming self employed is part of the end game for long term happiness but to get there I need to lay the foundations now. I need to organise my time better so that I can spend quality time with the kids and work on being self employed. I need to be more disciplined with my time and focus on the task at hand. I need to get better at stabilising my energy levels so I can maximise my progress and a big part of that is about leaning more into Gentle Parenting.
I am making the commitment now to move forward and make this happen. The world keeps moving and times keeps ticking. I am more than capable of keeping up, and if I really tried I could be one stepahead.