Sometimes it takes something big to really force you to make a change. The birth of a child, the death of a family member; or in my case both. Double whammy.
Within days of my youngest being born, my mother passed away. And it sunk in, all those things I said I was going to be and all the things I said I was going to do with my life, my mother will never see them. I didn’t knuckle down and achieve whilst she was alive. I know it’s silly but I wanted her to see me published, buying a home and throwing one hell of a Christmas party. Even though we didn’t get on, there’s still a part of me that wanted her to be proud of me.
The phrase “times a wasting” rings through my head. I take a moment to reflect on all things I want to achieve and contemplate why I haven’t achieved them. Suddenly every report card I ever got in school is proven right. I have amazing potential if I could just pull up my socks and apply myself. And we live in such a world of convenience. I can access my work from multiple devices, I can use dictation if typing isn’t practical at that moment; heck right now I’m using a Bluetooth keyboard and I could literally be anywhere in the room with my tablet out the kids’ reach. So why don’t I succeed?
There is a Jordan Belfort quote that I often come back to. “Success is about getting yourself to do the things you know you have to do even when you don’t feel like doing them.” Reading it again today just shines a light on my problem. After a long day of chasing the kids around (a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old and a 2-month-old), doing the housework and the laundry and running all the errands; the thought of doing anything other than crawling in over my bed is not appealing. But if I’m to be successful I need to push through.
So I’ve decided to get my shit together. To create my own success and remember the true meaning of success. To set a goal and achieve that goal is a success. And one success makes other successes easier to achieve by creating positive momentum. It doesn’t even have to be big things. My first success is to get the laundry under control. Doesn’t seem like much, but it can be incredibly demoralising to be unable to complete such a basic task, so for me, it’s the first step to getting back on my feet.
Taking on too much at once has always been my downfall, so I’m taking extra special care to tackle bite-size goals and implementing my ideal routine one stage at a time. Starting with the laundry, developing my self-care beyond basic hygiene, taking some mental health time and of course, taking steps back to working on my projects. Even just that little list sounds like a lot when you’re starting from rock bottom again.
But the main point is not to put things off anymore. top waiting for the right time, a better time. Stop telling myself I can’t do C until I’ve done A and B first. I almost let that happen here. I wanted to film an in-depth video, take pictures and b-roll footage. I couldn’t start making progress until I’d created a documented starting point, and that’s just stupid.
This may not be the kick-off I had planned but here it is nonetheless. I am officially getting my shit together to become my best self and create the best life I can for my family.
This was a bit of a long post but I needed the space to express my feelings and mindset. In fact, there are other areas I want to talk more in-depth about and those posts will be coming over the next few weeks. I think of them as part of improving my mental health and hopefully, they’ll be helpful to someone, even if it just lets you know you aren’t alone.