I haven’t posted since July!? Really?
My breaks from this blog just seem to get longer huh?
In all honesty, I have spent most of the past 6 or so months either ill or taking care of ill people. I actually haven’t done much in the way of online content creation at all. I’ve wanted to, badly but never managed to get to it.
Other areas of Life have been stressing me out to the max and I have been exhausted. In fact, my partner and I had an argument where he yelled “you’re not the only one who’s tired” and I screamed back “I’m not tired I’m exhausted!”, that was a moment I’m glad no one witnessed but it brought about some change.
Yes, I have been tired, sure, who would be with two little kids running around? But exhausted better describes the weariness that aches my body to the bones. My inability to focus on basic tasks without getting frustrated. The crying, my goodness the crying. I haven’t had crying fits like that in years. My anxiety was through the roof. Just when I thought I was getting it together even something minor would knock me over.
So I stopped pushing and stood back. I settled into the daily life and accepted I would never create content again. But as much as I love my family I need something more. I need more than just getting up and going to work for minimum wage in an unstimulating, and at times condescending, job. I spend my day serving coffee to people who make 5 times I do in a year and I often get spoken to like I must be dumb if I have a job like that at my age. It’s horrible and unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about it, except find another form of employment.
I knew I had to find my focus again, make it work, but also make sure I took care of myself. I’m back to blocking my time and I’ve started food prepping so I can have good snacks instead of sweets. I’m also factoring in time to relax and do basic things like brushing my hair (seriously I was going weeks unable to find the time to brush my damned hair). And finally, get a good nights sleep.
Sure there will be things I can’t always factor in. Like a workmate wanted to talk during lunch when I had planned to work. Or my son being so ill he clung to me like a koala for the weekend (I mean it, I barely managed to go to the loo in brief moments he’d let me put him down). But the main thing is that I don’t put so much pressure on myself that these moment throw my entire month in the fire. That sort of pressure turns me into a person I don’t like and I don’t want to feel like that again for a long time.